When I or any of my friends work in the computer labs at IUPUI, we are there to assist you with the technology in the lab, not help you with your homework. I realize that this may seem like a fine line sometimes, but please try to recognize and respect the limitations placed on the people who work there and help you out. Do not leave garbage all over the place. It’s disgusting and immature.

I am not your teacher.
This may seem mean. I am in the lab to help you, right? Sure, but to a point. I will try to help you understand some fine point of Microsoft Office or help you deal with technical issues. However, I am probably not in any of your classes. I do not know the subject material as well as you should. If you are having difficulty understanding some part of your homework, that is between you and your instructor. Do not try to drag me or any of the other consultants into your academic or intellectual deficiencies.

I am not your bank.
As much as I would love to be an entity with billions of dollars of liquid capital at my disposal, I am not. You may not use my JagTag under any circumstances. I rarely use this word, but I will NEVER lend you money, ever. I am sorry that you were careless enough to send your JagTag through the wash or just plain leave it at home. It’s not my problem, you may not have my money.

I am not your mom.
I can understand that you are a busy person with a life of your own. However, as a user of the public computer labs on a public university campus, you should try to help keep the space clean for the other people who use it. I am fine with straightening the chairs, monitors, keyboards, and mice. I will happily sanitize every surface that is touched by human hands. Just don’t leave trash or crumbs all over the place. Don’t leave used tissues next to the computer. By doing these things, you are making me face my disgust with human bodily fluids (without any resolution) and deepening my resentment of all human beings. This general misanthropy will most likely lead to deteriorated service next time you visit.

Please respect the people who are in the labs, willing to help you out in any way we can. We do try hard to be patient and understanding but it would really make our lives easier if you just picked up your trash and didn’t ask us to teach you statistics.